When you have children, it changes your entire life. You put their wants and needs before your own much of the time, and you always want what is best for them. This is why many couples try to “stay together for the kids” even if they are not happy in their relationship. While this may seem like a good idea, studies have shown that staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children actually does more harm than good. Children who grow up in unhappy households tend to have more problems than children whose parents got divorced. While it is true that a divorce can affect the children, there are things you can do to help protect your kids as you and your spouse separate from each other.

Take Your Fighting Elsewhere

Most people do not plan to have an argument, and disagreements or fights often happen in the heat of the moment. With that being said, it is important to avoid fighting in front of your children if you can help it. Studies have shown that children who are exposed to their parents’ constant fighting tend to have more behavioral and/or emotional issues. If you and your spouse have an issue you need to resolve, make sure you do it out of earshot of the children.

Parenting a child is rarely easy, especially if you are now a single parent. Though co-parenting can be extremely beneficial for the children, it does present many challenges for parents. Some divorced couples can call it quits and never have to speak to each other again. However, as a parent, you will always be attached to your ex-spouse because of your children. Co-parenting can be difficult, because you may still have feelings of anger or sadness toward your spouse, but you still have to work with them in order to be the parents your children deserve. Here are a few tips that can help you be the best co-parent you can after your Illinois divorce:

Do Not Put Your Kids in the Middle of You and Your Ex’s Problems

In many cases, divorce is not a mutual decision. This can breed feelings of resentment or anger toward your ex-spouse, which can be difficult to control. However, it is important to remember that your issues with your ex are not your child’s issues, and it is not fair of you to put your children between the two of you. Never use your children to convey messages to the other parent, and never confide in your children about the issues between you and your ex-spouse.

Divorce is the legal process of separating yourself from your spouse, but as much as it is a legal process, it is also an emotional one. Though you may be feeling stressed, angry, and sad, your children are also feeling the pressure -- perhaps even more than you are. Many children do not understand divorce, especially if they are young. One of the hardest things for children is adapting to all of the changes that take place so quickly during a divorce, such as their living arrangements and shared parenting time. One type of parenting agreement that many modern parents have flocked to is called a “nesting” parenting arrangement.

What Is a Nesting Agreement?

Nesting arrangements are aptly named; in one of these types of parenting agreements, the “nest” is the family home. The children continue to reside in the family home like they did while the parents were still married, and the parents are the ones who take turns coming and going. Nesting arrangements allow for minimal disruption to children’s lives and are most commonly used as a transitional type of parenting arrangement until the parents agree on a more permanent schedule.

Divorce can be a very stressful and emotional time for everyone in the family, but it can be especially difficult for children. There is no way to predict exactly how your child will react to a divorce, but many children experience feelings of sadness, anger, shock, resentment, and even guilt when dealing with their parent’s divorce. Many of these feelings are normal emotions that the child will experience as they go through the grieving process. Though there is no way around these feelings, there are many things you can do to help your child learn how to adapt to their new circumstances. Here are a few ways you can help your child cope with your divorce:

1. Be Prepared to Answer a Lot of Questions

Children are naturally curious, so it is only normal for them to have a lot of questions once you break the news of the divorce. Your child might ask you where they are going to live, if you or your spouse will be moving out, why you are getting a divorce, and if they will change schools, among other things. You should be prepared to answer these questions, and if you do not currently have an answer for these questions, be honest with your child and tell them you will let them know as soon as you can.

If you are getting divorced, and you have children, there are an entire set of issues that must be addressed that will be unique to this type of case. You and your spouse must decide where the children will live, what kind of parenting time arrangements will work for you, and, arguably most importantly, how decisions concerning the children will be made. Illinois courts urge you and your spouse to reach an agreement about these issues on your own, but that is not always possible. If you and your spouse are not able to come to an agreement, the court will step in, and a judge will make these decisions for you.

Types of Significant Decisions

What used to be known as “child custody” is now called “allocation of parental responsibilities” in Illinois. In general, significant decision-making responsibilities include any decisions that must be made about the child’s life. The judge can allocate the right to make each of these decisions to one or both of the parents. Decision-making responsibilities that will be allocated include: